can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
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I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
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I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
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