Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
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