I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
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I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
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Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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