Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
