My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
