No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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