Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
