im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
