I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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