My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
