I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
