I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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