too bad you live with your parents still
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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