So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
