SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
