Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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