He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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