if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
