Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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