this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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