**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
