Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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