walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
