How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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