walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
