Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
