apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
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