So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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