so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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