I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Randomize
