She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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