Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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