Heybabeimwearingurpanties
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
My bed is full of blood and feathers
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm too high and old for this...
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
