have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
