I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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