Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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