but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
