your parents love me but you hate me
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
