I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
