there's paper in my vomit.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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