Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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