I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
