Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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