There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Your penis caused this!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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