I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
