I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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