I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷ðŸ»â€â™€ï¸
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
