I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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