I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
