All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
