Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
