So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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