last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
