I should be sponsored by Trojan
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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