Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm getting married
To pizza
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
