dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
