Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
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you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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