I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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