Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
