I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
