Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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