ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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