my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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