We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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