STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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