Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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