i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
