I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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