Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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