You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
