question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
this will be a night to untag.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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