I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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