R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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