fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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