I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
