Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
