just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
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its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
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Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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