My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
