We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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