hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
