I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
